1 Name: Miles 2012-09-15 13:42
>>6
You know what just isn't funny?
The holocaust.
What did the prism say to the light beam?
Get bent!
Fifty billion neutrinos go through a bar. One says ouch.
What happened to the man who swam in muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong current!
Why do police put all the gay people in jail?
They won't straighten up.
Mitt Romney.
Barack Obama.
Michelle and her daughters: The only reason to care about American politics.
>>15
First Lady if the United States
I like her voice
Why are there no JEWS on Jupiter?
Because it's a gas planet!
>>17
I actually snorted chocolate milk through my nostrils upon reading that.
>>19
Yeah I get it. It's funny because though they're very different, at the end of the day they are both milk.
>>21
But once you do, it gets to you.
Why did the shoe painter go out of business?
This sounded like it had potential.
Why did the orange glad to say a banana?
Because
>>4,5,7-11,17,19,23,24
Hahahehehohahehoohoohehehehhaaahoo
What do you call the effect of slime rising through mud in a landslide?
Dirty mudslime.
What did the inanimate object or animal say when the event occured?
Nothing, because inanimate objects and animals do not have the ability to produce human speech.
>>27 If animals cannot speak, then how do you explain VIPsaurus and Tablecat? Checkmate.
Signed, a parrot.
Why did the tree fall in the forest?
To get in touch with its roots.
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A tree fall~
I come from the Elitist Superstructure bearing a joke.
( ﾟ ヮﾟ) What's a dokyun's favourite method of sending signals across synapses?
( ˃ ヮ˂) Neurotransmittens!
>>33
www
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews found the same penny
What's the difference between a duck?
One leg is both the same.
What' the difference between a crocodile?
The greener the swims.
Miles' Fedora Union
Is it farther from Detroit to Michigan or by train?
Women's rights
A programmer is at home with his wife. His wife asks him:
"Please could you go down to the shops and buy a loaf of bread? Oh, and if they have eggs, buy twelve."
Ten minutes later, he returns with four huge plastic bags - the joke, of course, is that he bought twelve loaves of bread.
Undeterred, his wife says:
"Go back to the shops, and while you're there, buy eggs."
He never returns.
>>42
Is only joke, I laughed more than I should heff.
I tried to tell it to my wife, being a programmer myself.
I had to explain the first part.
The second part is basically two untranslateable puns.
But I laughed. My Knuth, did I laugh.
Q: Am I funny?
A: No.
Did you know? Six out of seven dwarves are not Happy.
Dwarfism is inherited recessively. Mike's brother is a dwarf, though neither of his parents are. Lisa's mother was a dwarf, and her father was a normal man with strange tastes. Neither Mike nor Lisa have dwarfism. If Mike and Lisa have 3 children together, what are the chances that all three of them will be happy dwarves?
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
In a related, but different joke: Nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape.
why do can have and the thug lyfe?
It has selected you.
The big ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二⊃ theory.
Those who can, do.
Those who can't do, teach.
Those who can't teach, manage.
Those who can't manage, regulate.
There's an old joke where a newlywed couple are going to a costume party, and their costumes arrived in the mail that day. The man puts on his gorilla suit, but before the woman can open hers she claims to be taken sick, and insists that he go to the party anyway. After he leaves, she puts on her costume (an angel costume with mask and wig) and goes to the party to test his loyalty to her. She arrives to find him dancing with another woman, and decides to see just how far he'll go and seduces him (but insists they leave the masks on.) She then slips out before he does and waits at home. When he comes home, she asks him how the party went, ready to pounce. He responds with "Oh, you know I can never have much fun without you. In fact, I spent most of the evening playing poker with some guys in the den... but the guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a good time!"
A VIPPER and a DQN walk into a bar . VIPPER orders some H2O. DQN says "Sounds good, I'll have some H2O too." DQN dies.
>>57
HEH
World's oldest recorded joke, written cuneiform on a Sumerian clay tablet, about 1900 B.C.:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.
>>62
Cracks me up
Three academics of different schools met to discuss a topic that dominated politics that day. Each voiced their own informed opinion.
Business Economist: Promise is more motivating than reward. Thus it is foolish to invest into a paramour. Available resources should be spent on more profitable matters.
Psychologist: The sex drive is strong, suppressing it is at best dangerous. If a man cannot be satisfied with a single woman, he should be able to have an extra-marital affair, as long as he has the tact to not let his wife be burdened by it.
Engineer: Better yet: Let them know about each other. This way, a man can tell his wife that he is going to his girl-friend, and tell his girl-friend that he is going to his wife, and between them finally get some work done.
Why do people say you can't trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!!!!
I know some german ones.
Wie nennt man einen chinesischen Dieb? - Lang Fing
Und wie nennt man einen Polizisten? - Lang Fing Fang
Und wie nennt man ein Gefängnis? - Lang Fing Fang Bau
Wie heisst der chinesiche Verkehrsminister? - Um Lei Tung
>>67
I've never heard anyone say that you can't trust atoms.
>>69
You can't trust adams.
( ・∀・) My dog has no nose.
(ﾟﾍﾟ ) How does he smell?
ヽ( >∀<)ﾉ Awful!
There are only 10 types of people in the world
Ones that understand binary and the ones who don't
There are only 10 types of people in the world
Ones that understand binary and the ones who don't
There are 0x0002 types of people in the world
Ones that make false dichotomies and the ones who don't
Here is a Norwegian joke:
What is China's Finance minister called?
Tom Peng Pung.
Here is a German joke.
What do you call a chinese theif?
Lang Fing
Here is an English joke:
What do you call a retarded thief?
Thi4f.
why cat?
bread
Why did they give the scarecrow a Nobel Prize?
He was outstanding in his field!
Why was the calendar depressed?
His days were numbered.
What is the saddest thing in the world?
A button because if it is not under pressure it will always be depressed.
What do you call a cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because he was not a chicken.
Hahehiho
>>36
HOW HOW HOW?!!
What's the last warm body part in a dying woman's body?
My penis.
I once thought i didn't hear Miles yelling, but it turns out I was in the vacuum of space.
>>94
He has mental problems
What does the constipated mathematician do about his problem?
He works it out with pencil and paper.
What does a topologist call his toilet seat?
ass-toroid (way funnier if said out loud because it sounds like asteroid)
An engineer, a computer scientist and a mathematician walk into a bar. They don't talk, don't interact, don't even seem aware of each other. You might ask yourself why, but I never said that they walked into the same bar.
But then why did they go to the bar alone?
Because scientists are lonely people.
I wonder if those three guys had a cat.
A cat would do them well.
The Jumping Jews of Jerusalem were a hit way back in the day, and promoted usury throughout Europe. Of course their constant exodus left many banks and financial institutions in their wake. The Jews would later return to run these institutions and can be seen as the leaders of many banking and financial institutions. Jews can only be said to excel in these sinful arts as when they dabble in others such as housing, it can lead to financial crisis. They are quite against a unified Europe as they can not exploit European wars against each other as it is simply not profitable. As a result they have taken over key positions in the British Commonwealth, Scandinavia, Germany, and France. Israel, God's chosen, can effectively exploit Europe and the Americas into sacrificing themselves for the "greater good" of "mankind" as they might lead you to believe as they try to steal more land from the poor, underdeveloped Middle East and North Africa. I will see you on the front lines of Jewish deceit and trickery.
Of course, this is all a joke. Praise Israel, land of the free, home of the brave.
Are that same faggot miles who was posting in /biz/ for a while?
>>98
I have no idea what that is, so no.
The Ottoman Empire utilized Millet system to establish religious states within the empire for it's people such as the orthodox greeks, catholic yugoslavs, and jews. The turks exploited these peoples in order to keep them (the Jews) from rising against them and managed to succeed until rampant nationalism funded by Jews drove the empire to it's knees as it fell during WWI. The millets were then divided amongst the allies. France took the Roman Catholics, Russia took the Orthodox Christians, and Britian took the Jews. Soon following, the Balfour Declaration was made to ensure a Jewish Homeland, as the puppetmasters manipulated the British politicians to their own ends. To this day, due to the failure of the Ottomans, the Jewish people have taken control over their own destiny and every other nation's destiny as well. Jesus have mercy on us all.
Of course, this is all a joke. Praise Israel, remember the 600 trillion who died in the Shoah.
You know what's funny? Women's rights.
You know what else is funny? Israel existing in this day and age.
You know what is even funnier? Women's rights in Israel.
Of course, that was a joke. Praise Israel, God's Chosen People.
164 ahahah yes it's a good one, a way long story will be even better
I'll have a large bucket of flowers
Sir, it's pronounced bouquet
Hi, I'm Miles. Do you guys know any funny jokes? I love jokes. My favorite joke is the best.